I have spent a lot of time this year off the grid… off the radar… out of social circles… close to home…
Since I get bored very easily… very bored… I often find it necessary to entertain myself.
These past few months, I have been experimenting and shaving my face into various FBI Witness Protection Program disguises. I am not sure why, but it really is amusing and fun. The Cowboy Sagebrush. The Hitler. The Hells Angel Motorcycle Handlebar. The Salvador Dali. The 1920s sideburn-connected-to-the-mustache. The Fu Manchu. The Jesus. So much wholesome fun and quality goodness.
Last night, I made a venture out into public to try to kick out the doldrums and to try NOT to work… made my way into large gatherings around town… saw some friends I hadn’t seen in awhile, old and new.
5 or 6 times, I would stand 10 inches in front of someone, shaking hands or saying hello, and I could see by their glazed over faces, for 30 seconds or so, they had no idea who I was. My FBI Witness Protection Program Disguise was acting like a slow motion, hypnotizing tractor beam… until finally they recognized me… “Whoah – what??” and they eventually saw through my face.
The first couple times were entertaining. But by the end of the night and repeated “stranger” encounters, I had HAD IT, and I decided I would go home and shave off everything.
It was 2am… I started back to my car… walked out onto the sidewalk… stood on the corner at a stoplight, waiting for the light to change… a couple of lovers walked by, and then the girl yelled, “Hey! Nice mustache!” as she traced her own imaginary mustache on her face with her fingers.
1) I was startled and happy. Is THIS what all dudes feel about their mustaches?
2) Do people really say this to strangers? A compliment and praise for someone’s facial hair? I don’t think I have ever had the urge or have ever noticed that someone’s mustache was so amazing that I had to comment out loud.
It did make me reconsider shaving it off for awhile, though. And now I walk a little more upright. And I’m still trying out new, homegrown disguises.