I got to see Robert Deeble’s fantastic show tonight… as magical as ever… I can’t stop loving him… afterwards, I spent some quality time with the enchanting Lili (Robert’s angelic, stage sidekick)… after some lovely ketchup, and picking her mind for recent, excellent, earth-shattering record-store discoveries, Lili asked, very seriously, if I could give her some helpful advice… I was touched by the sweet trust she was about to lay on me… she then went on to tell me how her next day at work was weighing on her heavily…. it was her company’s traditional, monthly “Fun Friday” and this month’s theme was “Super Hero” day… everyone was supposed to come dressed as their own made-up super hero… she was stressed and couldn’t think of anything… I could see this was important… so we brainstormed… easy.

We talked about super powers and different ways she could save the world… I incisively cut straight to her closet, asked what she might happen to have in her wardrobe… knee-high boots? a cape? maybe a giant ring? I was kind of on fire, hitting home run after home run… and then, a perfect hole-in-one, grand slam  touchdown… as I wrung my devious hands together, I suggested, “Hmm, you should be a villain…” (her face lit up and she was practically trembling with happy delight, it had never occurred to her, a villain)… named… “F-Bomb.”

I could see she was super entranced with this whole idea… “maybe make some kind of emblem to wear on your chest, simple, like a big round bomb with a fuse, and a giant “F” in the middle.” I made her swear she would have to stay in character all day long, and like all great super villains, she would need a catch phrase or trademark… she would have to make every sentence she spoke, every interaction, every conversation, include an F-bomb. Whether it was the president of the company, the cafeteria lunch lady, or the mail delivery intern, she had to enthusiastically punch it with an f-bomb…

Genius, I thought. My work was done. Lili was rightly inspired and super charged… and I am the devil. My biggest fear is that once she starts, she won’t be able to stop… like when my grandmother warned me about how you mustn’t cross your eyes, even in jest, because they will stick like that permanently… poor Lily…