While growing up, from time to time, I would hear my dad and his brothers making fun of their dad (my grandfather)…. for his various trademark sayings and philosophical mantras he became known for within the family… “Don’t take any wooden nickels…” or after a visit as we were leaving, he would always impart his wise, worldly life warning, “Now if you get tired, just pull on over to the side of the road.” These sayings became legendary hallmarks and, in a way, treasures to be handed down from generation to generation…

Something else he was famous for, was that his favorite actor of all time was Charles Bronson. No matter what movie might be on his television set, he managed to bring it up… any car chase scene… or western gunfight… ANYTHING… would remind him, “Boy, that Charles Bronson is a great actor!”

In the same Oakie drawl, my dad would repeat his golden words during any movie we were watching, wise-cracking and mocking my grandfather and his solemn, loyal allegiance to the “greatest actor of all time.”

Sometimes, when I am trying to find a movie to kill time (or escape time), I certainly have my own favorite go-to’s…. actors I adore or am faithfully fanatical about… This week, I’ve been marathoning Clint Eastwood movies (again)… I watched Joe Kidd, The Enforcer, Magnum Force, The Eiger Sanction, Sudden Impact, The Outlaw Josey Wales, The Unforgiven… I suppose I am drawn to the fighting-for-what’s-right themes… stand your ground… good vs. evil… sticking it to the man… the misogyny… the straight talk… the righteous indignation… all the most excellent embodiments of what Clint Eastwood stands for in every movie…

All of the characters he has played and the dialog and the writing and directing… together with the stories I’ve heard about his work ethic and how he treats people in real life… and then it occurred to me… I have become my grandfather… nobody could convince me otherwise that Clint Eastwood isn’t the greatest ever… I just love him… and when I am 80 years old… my niece and nephews and siblings will likely make it one of my signature caricature trademarks… and with a great twinkling in their eyes, they will take on my speaking voice and do their best impression of me… and mockingly pronounce…”Boy, that Clint Eastwood… he was the greatest actor of all time…”

this week’s marathon:

I got to see Robert Deeble’s fantastic show tonight… as magical as ever… I can’t stop loving him… afterwards, I spent some quality time with the enchanting Lili (Robert’s angelic, stage sidekick)… after some lovely ketchup, and picking her mind for recent, excellent, earth-shattering record-store discoveries, Lili asked, very seriously, if I could give her some helpful advice… I was touched by the sweet trust she was about to lay on me… she then went on to tell me how her next day at work was weighing on her heavily…. it was her company’s traditional, monthly “Fun Friday” and this month’s theme was “Super Hero” day… everyone was supposed to come dressed as their own made-up super hero… she was stressed and couldn’t think of anything… I could see this was important… so we brainstormed… easy.

We talked about super powers and different ways she could save the world… I incisively cut straight to her closet, asked what she might happen to have in her wardrobe… knee-high boots? a cape? maybe a giant ring? I was kind of on fire, hitting home run after home run… and then, a perfect hole-in-one, grand slam  touchdown… as I wrung my devious hands together, I suggested, “Hmm, you should be a villain…” (her face lit up and she was practically trembling with happy delight, it had never occurred to her, a villain)… named… “F-Bomb.”

I could see she was super entranced with this whole idea… “maybe make some kind of emblem to wear on your chest, simple, like a big round bomb with a fuse, and a giant “F” in the middle.” I made her swear she would have to stay in character all day long, and like all great super villains, she would need a catch phrase or trademark… she would have to make every sentence she spoke, every interaction, every conversation, include an F-bomb. Whether it was the president of the company, the cafeteria lunch lady, or the mail delivery intern, she had to enthusiastically punch it with an f-bomb…

Genius, I thought. My work was done. Lili was rightly inspired and super charged… and I am the devil. My biggest fear is that once she starts, she won’t be able to stop… like when my grandmother warned me about how you mustn’t cross your eyes, even in jest, because they will stick like that permanently… poor Lily…